Fallen
by Followtheyellowbricks
Summary: Bella is trying to move past all of the darkness in her past but it is getting harder and harder to do as a connection between her tormentor and the small town she and her twin sister have moved to unravels. AU ExB Possible triggers


**Chapter 1:  
"Und wir sind dann Helden" ~Helden by Apocoliptica (And we are then Hero's)**

I used to wake up every morning and dread the second I would have to open my bedroom door and walk to the kitchen. I hated it. I always got dressed slowly, spent extra time brushing my teeth; twice, or putting my dark hair up several different ways. I was never the first one in the kitchen and I was always the first to leave it. I used to dread finding out who I was really spending my day with; and the kitchen is where I met them for the first time each morning.

Some parts of my life weren't awful. Like my twin sister Rosalie. We were opposites in every way. She was blond, I was brunette. She was graceful, I trip over air. She was beautiful, I was plain. She was pure and innocent, I was not. We always got on well, but inside the house we weren't allowed to talk. Well to clarify, I wasn't allowed to talk. If I broke any one of my rules I would be punished. It would be a 'Go to your room' kind of punishment either. It would end with me crying, and trying to stay quiet so Rose wouldn't hear anything. I hate thinking about what Rose had heard come from _HIS _room. I hate to think about it at all.

Now for the past 2 weeks I have been awoken to many nice and wonderful things. Like the smell of Rose making breakfast, or the sound of rain on my windows. I loved waking up... well okay; I liked the way I was woken up, not the actual getting out of bed part.

"Bella!" I heard Rose call from outside my door. I never understood why she waited outside the door, I always left it open. I didn't want to feel trapped inside anymore. Maybe she didn't come in until I asked her to because she wanted to give me space? Whatever the case, privacy was the least of my concerns.

Rose and I moved here after we turned 18. I loved it here. It was so green and beautiful. It rained all the time and I had made a habit of putting on my coat and walking through the woods by the house.

"Bella, come on! You are not staying in bed all day today! It's nearly noon! We have to go get the rest of what we need for our very LAST year of High School!" Rose rambled on and I tuned her out as I walked to my dresser and put on jeans and a hoodie. I slipped my feet into my chucks, and was headed to the living room. Before I even thought about it I was stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, just like every other day, I took a deep breath and told myself it was safe here; that I was safe here.

"Bella." Rose said turning to face me from her post in front of the stove. I liked this kitchen, it was cute and country like. It was small, but had enough room for our little table. The yellow paint on the cabinets was welcoming and the black and white checkered floor was worn in, in a good way. I really liked it; it still scared the shit out of me.

"Rosie, I'm sorry I just..." I stepped over the threshold and sat in the closest chair to the doorway. She didn't fail to notice.

"Bella, are you sure about this? About starting school now? We just left A..." She froze when I glared at her.

"I am sure about school Rose. I think it will be good for me to get out there and be normal. If it's too much to handle we can TALK about other options." I allowed the last part because Rose has been very Mother-Hen the past few months. I liked it, and I hated it. But I loved Rose so it didn't really matter.

We went to the supermarket and bought food. Real food, which Rose told me I had to teach her to cook. We also bought a huge amount of school supplies, and way too much junk we didn't need. But hey, we are impulsive Teens who live on their own... What did you expect? Prune Juice and Fiber supplements?

We got to the check-out counter, and Rose froze with a blank look on her face. If I hadn't already seen the guy behind the counter I'd have been worried. I just pulled on the front of the cart and began unloading it onto the conveyer belt for the check-out-hottie that had Rosalie still standing two feet from the cart arm up in the air like she still had a hold of the card.

I laughed and looked at her and said "Rosie, babe, you got a little bit of drool on your shoes."

She got mock angry and hit my arm. She pulled herself away from me quickly, but no longer in a playful way. She knew what was coming. I know I had tears welling up in my eyes, and I knew Rose didn't mean it. I saw the fear cross her features, as I knew anger flashed through mine. I couldn't hold back the monster, and I felt sick inside for feeling this way toward the only person who had ever helped me. I knew I was flying toward her, and getting my fists ready to fight for my life, but I felt like an innocent bystander who didn't understand what was happening. Somewhere in my head I remember hearing myself think: 'It was only fun!' and 'She was playing, she didn't really hit me!'

I felt myself land on Rose, and I felt my right fist pull back. I knew it would swing forward and hit her. I felt the tears in my eyes running down my face. I closed my eyes so that I didn't see her fear filled face that was laced with understanding and pity as I readied myself for the blow that would most defiantly leave a mark. When my eyes closed I felt my body being pulled backwards. I fought to go limp. I knew it was harder to drag a limp body, but the arms that wrapped around me held me up. I felt a man's chest press against my back and his face come up beside my ear. I could feel his breath coming in slow steady intervals.

Then a velvet voice came from the face by my ear. "Shhhh. It's okay. You're okay. Breathe, please. Shhhh." The smooth voice continued to comfort me. Whispering. Barely making a noise but calming me all the same. Wasn't I the attacker in this situation? Shouldn't the voice be angry and strong? All the same, I worked hard to do what the voice asked. I stilled, and took deep breaths to match theirs. The person holding me took noticed of our matched breaths and they began taking longer ones.

I don't know how long it took for the pounding in my ears to quiet enough for me to hear what was happening around me, but as soon as they did I heard Rosalie screaming. The sound of her usually sweet voice going shrill made my skin crawl and my eyes snap open. In my searching for her I saw that Mr. Hottie the check-out guy was holding her back; keeping her from getting near me. Rose was none too happy about this situation. She didn't care that I almost hit her, almost beat her with my bare hands…

I met her eyes, somewhat unwillingly, and gave her a nod to tell her that I was alright. She nodded back saying the same. She stopped fighting the man holder her and turned to look him in the face. I have no idea what she told him. I assume that she was fine, and that I was her bat-shit crazy twin sister. Whatever it was he nodded and let go of her gently. He reached a hand back toward her arm, most likely asking if she was hurt from him holding her. I shut my eyes tight and turned my head away. No need for another episode today.

The check out guy was big. He wasn't fat, but he had a lot, and I mean a LOT, of muscle. He was tall too. Maybe 6' 4''. His hair was short and dark, but you could just see that it would curl if he'd let it go a little... He had a soft face. Very child-like... So he was just a really big toddler.

"My brother, Emmet." My velvety voice explained softly. He must have seen me looking over the newly named Emmet. Wait... MY velvety voice? Since when do I call any man's voice mine? I stopped thinking about it when he spoke again. "I take it the blond belongs to you?"

I giggled and nodded. He stood and helped me up. I swayed slightly and his strong hands grabbed my arms again. It should have scared me, but it didn't. I looked over this boy and gave the voice a face, and a damn nice one at that. I also gave the voice a body to die for and a name. "I'm Edward Cullen. I'm sorry I had to..." He trailed off. He had a knowing look in his eyes though.

"Sorry, umm thank you. For that." I stammered "I'm Isabella Swan. Rose calls me Bella though. That's Rosalie, my twin sister."

After some small talk (mostly done by Rose) which soon turned to fare-thee-wells (also mostly done by Ro.) we headed back to the house. It was always the house, it wasn't home. Nowhere was home. Later on that evening after some much needed cool down time and apologies we were both wrapped in our own blankets, sitting at opposite ends of the couch eating separate tubs of Ben and Jerry's. I had Whirled Peace, and Rose had Chunky-Monkey. I knew we got the Ice Cream because it was Sunday. Sunday Nights I always have to talk about... _Him._ It was one of Roses only rules. One of the rules that we had sat down and agreed upon the rules for the house.

"Rose, please." I begged her to start asking questions since we had been sitting on the couch picking at our ice cream for almost 15 min. This was how it was last Sunday night too. She wants to know, but was afraid to ask. I just let the quiet go on for almost 2 hours last Sunday, and when I had made it all the way to the stairs her lone question reached my ears.

"Was it bad, Bella?" I had just nodded in response. The nod should have answered her question and told her I was okay all at the same time, but it got me thinking: Was I really okay?

I wasn't planning on telling Rose anything she didn't ask. I was planning on lying, and making it to be less than it was. It wasn't to protect HIM or me. It wasn't so that I didn't have to think about it, because truthfully it was always on some part of my mind. I planned on lying to Rose to protect her. The look in her big blue eyes when I met them across the couch from me made me change my mind. I knew that she wouldn't ask want she wanted to know. I knew she wouldn't really be able to ask me anything. In her eyes I saw everything she wanted to know, I saw her fear. I saw her pain. I saw her love. So I just started talking but I gave her an out first.

"Rosie, if you want me to stop, just say so." I started. I didn't know how well she would handle any of this. I didn't know how she would react. So I gave her an out, a choice, because, before now, I never had one. "When Mom and Dad died and we went to go stay with Auntie, you remember? We were 8. He would come around a lot then. You and he and I would play outside. We'd run and have tons of fun right? Then he would leave and come back a few days later. He never did anything to me while we were with Auntie. I remember hearing you crying on her shoulder once because you thought he liked me more." I laughed at the memory because at the time I didn't know if I was happy about it or not; now I knew I was happy that he liked me more. At least when we were 8. Rose's eyes were timed with tears, but she batted them away so I just went on.

"The first time, was 3 years later; right after Auntie Jane's funeral. I don't really remember it very well because he made me swallow some kind of pill. I remembering being scared and not seeing anything. I remember it hurt..."

"Jesus stop! Bella baby, stop please." She was sobbing into her knees now. I climbed over and wrapped my arms around her. We stayed like that, rocking back and forth, for a long time. "I was so mad at you..." she cried but I just shushed her and kept rocking. Rose stopped finally stopped crying and she fell asleep almost instantaneously. I held her for a little longer, just to make sure she was really out, and then laid her down on the couch.

I covered her with both blankets, moved some hair off her forehead, and kissed her nose. She looked peaceful in her sleep. Most everyone does. As I knelt at the edge of the couch by her head I whispered "Rosalie Hale Swan, I love you. Never ask my forgiveness."

I got up, grabbed the Ice cream, and paused in the kitchen doorway. I took a breath before entering. I lingered for a moment, looking over the room. I put the lids back on our comfort food and placed them in the freezer. I washed the spoons in the sink and straightened that counters before I went to bed.

If Rose couldn't stand to hear what little she heard, she would never make it through anything that he did to me. I knew a lot of this reaction was because this was the first time she had heard any of it. I knew it was also because she was so mad at me after his funeral. She kept trying to say she was sorry. I hated that. I did it for her, kept quite; I never said anything before to protect her. She is all I ever had to keep me sane, and grounded. I would be at least twice as crazy as I am if I didn't have Rosalie.

Lying awake in my bed sometime later, I kept thinking about that first time. I never talked out loud about what he had done before. I didn't know talking about it would get it so stuck in my head. I tried hard not to think about it. I tried to go to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes it felt like I was back with him that first time. As much as I knew it would hurt, I closed my eyes, and gave myself over to the memories and fell into my nightmares. I couldn't feel the tears that fell from my eyes but I knew they were falling, fast and steady: like they always did when I dreamt these dreams.


End file.
